Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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