my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
