i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
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