i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
