That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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