My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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