im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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