Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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