I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
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Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
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If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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