your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.