My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you