hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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