OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies