went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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