i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
