this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
