Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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