the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Randomize
