Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
