There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
