The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
