I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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