She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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