I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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