garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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