My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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