I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
