I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
