You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
So many bounce houses so little time
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
