Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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