omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
