why im i the only drunk person in the library?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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