a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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