whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
