I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
