he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
