well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
