New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
