i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
