I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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