I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
They are going to name an STD after you.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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