shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
