I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
