i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
