I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
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