Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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