i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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