I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
