During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize