wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
