i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
