he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Please don't give away my fajitas
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
