so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
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I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
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I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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