I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
