and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
