The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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