I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
