Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
