He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
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