So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
