I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
