Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
