is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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