3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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