oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
It's official drugs can't kill me
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
