all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
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I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
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Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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