This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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