Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
