I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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