I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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