i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
