Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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