yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Randomize
