ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
