Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
