Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
