All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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