I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
