I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Sober January is a disaster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize