That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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