Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
