i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
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I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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