WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
