I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize