Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
