Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
