i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
