i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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