i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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