READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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