She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
