I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
