He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Mom said you looked used
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
This baby is an asshole
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
